Through My Eyes

This morning I had a drs appt for my anxiety. My anxiety wasnt too bad whilst getting ready but once i got in the car, it def kicked into gear. I played bejeweled on my phone all the way there while being sort of nauseous. Jackson kept talking to me, making things worse. Thankfully DH kept asking him to be quiet and distracted him by pointing out the snow, rain and cows.  We got to the parking lot and I was afraid I would end up throwing up in the parking lot. Thankfully I didnt, but I def didnt keep up with DH and the kids walking to the building. We got there and signed in etc.  It took about 10mins or so until we were called back. I spent my time standing and swaying back and forth while reading a Scentsy book someone had left there. I must've read this book about 10x while being there at the office. Sad, huh?  We got called back and got my BP took, which was high, and my pulse, which was high LOL. No surprise there. The nurse asked me some questions about taking BC, or any other prescription meds, why was I at the office to be seen, annndd when was my last period.. to which I took about 5secs and looked down and said "now." Ugh, I hate those questions. So embarrassing!!!  I know he probably doesnt care and def wont remember , but it's still embarrassing for me.

The kids were pretty good while waiting for the dr to come in to see me. Jackson bounced around the room, climbed on the little bed thingy, turned the water on and off. Bella sat in her carrier and just hung out, occassionally making a noise here or there.  Eventually the dr came in. I felt so embarrassed talking about my anxiety and how I felt.  I felt better talking to him, but I also felt so stupid and felt like crying. I mean, anxiety has been a part of my life since I was an early teen and now, it's gotten completely out of control. Some days I can't hang out with my friends at our local walmart or going to the next town which is 30mins away. Hell, just going to walmart with Brent and the kids is a challenge sometimes! I just feel so sad about what my life is like right now with this anxiety. It can stop me from doing almost anything and everything.

The dr asked Brent about my anxiety and how/what he thought about it and all Brent said was it can be pretty inconviencing to the family... thanks hubby! That makes me feel so good.... butttt I know he was just being honest and I def know what an inconvience it is. 

We were all gonna head to clovis today to get DH a video game he wants.... I ended up not going bc of the anxiety. *Sigh*

Anyways.... I got prescribed Zoloft for the anxiety. I didnt mention some other things like maybe PPD and PMDD. I should have.. but in truth, I DID forget about it. I just wanted to get out of that office so I could breathe. Jackson was going nuts. He was eating a ring pop while I got an EKG to check my heart before being put on the Zoloft.  It took about 5 minutes, not long at all, but Jackson was def ready to get out of there and had started to turn on the water works. Once the lady was done and Jackson could get down off of Brents lap and walk around, he was fine. THe EKG came back fine but the dr did order me to get some blood work done to check my thyroid and CBC to make sure there wasnt some underlying cause. If theres anything wrong with the bloodwork, they will call. I hope there isnt.

Anyways.. i'm also going to see a therapist. I am hoping this will help but I know it's going to be a some what long journey to get back to being some what normal. 

Well Brent and Jackson are home so i'm going to end this. Brent was/is supose to bring Chilis back so we shall see. :)

Today was a decent day. We went and filed our taxes today. We had to take Jackson with us and he did okay. He was pretty wild by the time we left and stopped at the bank to cash a check and put me onto Brent's bank acct. We are getting back a very good amount for our tax returns. I'm pretty excited about it but Brent and I have discussed what we are going to do with it all, other than pay off our bed and mattress. I am talking him into getting a flat screen tv for our room bc our entertainment center we had in there will no longer fit so it just makes sense to get a flat screen. Plus i miss watching tv in the mornings with Bella and also at night with Brent. I'm also thinking of asking for a new laptop but i dunno. I DO plan to take 1000$ for the kids to get new clothes though. I am looking forward to shopping haha.

We got our mattress for our bed ordered today. It's a eurotop bed, also known as a pillowtop i think. It was pretty comfy. I can't wait to get it and a new bed set!

This afternoon we just chilled out around the house. Jackson and I watched Wrong Turn. He pretty much got on my bad side. I seriously think I have PMDD. I got my period yesterday and for the week before and during AF, i am in a HORRIBLE mood. I can snap like a twig from a tree, and quickly, i might add. I hate it. I have a mental health appt for my anxiety on wed so maybe i can discuss this with them or with whomever they send me to for the anxiety.

Anyways, i'm off to bed. I took pictures today of Bella but im pretty tired! :)

This is a new blog for me. I hope I can keep up with it.

My name is Jamie. I'm 24 and I have 2 kids, Jackson and Bella. Jackson is 3 and Bella is almost 7 months old. My husband belongs to the Air Force. We're stuck in NM for the time being. It's okay, could be worse though I guess.


We are currently stuck inside for another day bc of snow. We are also stuck having to watch kiddie cartoons, max and ruby, dora, diego etc.

Yesterday afternoon, Jackson and Brent (hubby) took a nap while Bella and I watched The Pregnancy Pact on lifetime. When I went to wake up Brent, Jackson was awake. We laid in our bed and listened to Jackson ramble on about things. His room is right next to ours and he was talking so I said to him, " Jackson, I'm scared!" He replied back "it's okay, no scared buddy." LOL. He is so funny sometimes!

Hi!